Ashley is 5

My baby girl turned 5 on Wednesday, March 30th. The day started off with breakfast in bed of waffles with regular syrup and pink milk.

After that it was off to preschool where she got to bring marshmallow treats and wear a purple crown.

For lunch I made her Dora chicken noodle soup. And then she got changed into her blue sparkly dress for her party. We got ready for the party by setting the table with her princess tablecloth, plates, cups and napkins. Her purple cupcakes were store-bought with Tangled princess ring for a top.

I went to volunteer at Emily's school while she watched a movie. The friend birthday party was to start at 4:30 when Emily got home from piano lessons.

For her party we played a hide-and-seek game called Sardines. Emily is showing Aaron her hurt knee from Sardines.

Then we played Duck, Duck Goose. Aaron decided he really liked touching heads and saying 'duck' so the game was mostly laughing at Aaron.

From left to right: Emily, Sarah, Ashley, Maddie, Jeni, Aaron, Cami, and Brookie. Five friends since she was five. Then we did the limbo, opened presents, and ate cupcakes and ice cream cones. Then the kids got to work coloring on our cardboard house; which they loved.

The party was a success- kids went home happy and we'd only had outbursts of tears by Emily and Cami. Ashley felt celebrated and yet it wasn't too much in one day.

The birthday fun continued by going to the swimming pool later that week, packages, phone calls, and a whole other party with the Fosters.

Easter Weekend

FRIDAY

2ish- Brothers' Hanks arrive

3-4:30 pm- I dropped off Emily at gymnastics and then went shopping b/c I didn't want to be with the brothers.  I found I liked shopping.  I went to Michaels & Deseret Book and was mostly successful.  

4:30-7 pm Bryan makes carne asada and homemade flour tortillas for dinner.    

7 pm- Girls got picked up by Aunt Amy for a sleepover.  Date night plus Aaron begins.  I deliver PUD statements and talk to neighbors for a while.  Brothers leave.

9pm- I put Aaron to bed.  I am tired from an early run and I am feeling sick with a cold.  We abort our grand plans to play games, opting for bed with books. 

SATURDAY

8 am- Sleeping-in.  :-)  Bryan got Aaron breakfast then rejoins me in bed for lounging and reading.  I stayed in bed until 9.  All morning we took turns helping Aaron and reading.  Garrett calls to say he's coming.  Amy took the girls shopping at DI and yard sales which they all love.  Bryan goes for 5 1/2 mile run.  

11:30ish- Garrett arrives.  I make french toast.  Bryan gets online for cooking tutorials and starts prep work for a better round of carne asada with tortillas.  Bryan and Garrett see who's the man by trying to outdo each other in P90X Ab Ripper.  Turns out both can handle a good ab ripping as long as they are grunting hard.   

3:30pm- Garrett needs Bryan's car from the brothers to get a friend who's visiting from Mexico.  Bryan working hard on yummy dinner.  

4 pm- I drive to get the girls from Amy's.  After loaded in the car, Ashley conks out (typical).  During the drive home Emily falls asleep which tells me Tiffany wasn't exaggerating when she said they were awake until midnight watching movies (Em never naps).  Garrett brings Darian Cruz (18 & friend from ESL teaching). 

6 pm- Brothers leave.  Bryan tags me in making dinner.  It turned out better than before- hooray for Bryan's perseverance.  Garrett and Darian make cookies teaching Emily to speak Spanish.  We hard boil and dye eggs; including one that looked like Mexico's flag.  I try to wake up Ashley from nap and she doesn't. She ended up sleeping 4:30 pm to 7:30 am = 15 hours!   Bryan bathes Em and Aaron.  

9 pm- Em tipped the blue easter dye cup on herself and the floor.  Bath round two.  Eat yummy cookies.  Bed for Em and Aaron.  Bryan reading.  Gar and Darian dance the cumbia and I take a turn too.  Fun Latin music dancing!  

10:30 pm- I get ready for Easter morning.  Garrett takes friend home. 

SUNDAY

7:30 am- Our family's first visit from the Easter Bunny.  Emily's friend told her she just had to believe.  They were surprised with a basket by their beds- candy, picture of Christ, notepads, pencil, art project.  Aaron got a basket of matchbox cars and trains- happy boy all day.  Also found 6 eggs in the front yard from a neighbor Easter Bunny.  

9-12  Church. We were all looking good.  Nice service.  Bryan came with for the first hour.    

2 pm- Bryan, the brothers and Em went to a park to play Captain Hook (Emily) vs. Peter Pan with Lost Boys.  I make dinner and Gar and Ash dye Easter eggs.  Brothers leave.  

4 pm-  Easter dinner: ham, mashed potatoes, gravy, deviled eggs, french bread, chewies dessert.  

5 pm- Garrett leaves.  Talk on the phone to family.  Hang out outside.  Clean up house with girls.  Bryan does all the dishes.  Wrestle-mania Bry and kids.  

8pm- Bedtime snack, stories, teeth.  Read story about the empty Easter egg representing Christ's tomb.  More talks with family.  Homeschool prep should be starting, but it's not.  

The Brothers Hanks

Cameron (26) and Spencer (29) have been homeless off and on for the last few years. Post eviction from their parents' home (Jan 2011) they have lived at a friends' house, a hotel, the streets, a hospital, a mental institution, a homeless shelter in Dallas, our house, and are presently at a homeless shelter in Salt Lake. They are Bryan's brothers and some of his best friends and they are all doing what they feel is right in this situation.

I am writing about the homeless scene that I have been privy to since the boys talk to Bryan. This info may not be new to you but it was to me. This info is based on the boys having lived in a shelter in Dallas for 4 weeks and SLC for 3 weeks.

-There are enough beds for everyone. If someone shows up at a shelter in time and the beds are taken they can help you get to another place. They have showers. There is no limit on how long you can stay.

-There is free food for you all around town all day long. Not at the homeless shelter, but they have lists of places (i.e. churches) that will give you food. And they send lots of extra food with these guys. The shelter has a rule that no outside food may be brought in (sanitation, fighting, etc) but some shelters don't enforce this policy.

-Sleeping pads are passed out and everyone is in bed from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. If you don't make it there, you don't sleep there. If you are disturbing the peace, you don't sleep there.

-If you need medication (Spencer does), they have doctors that will give you an Rx for whatever you need.

-The currency in shelters is cigarettes.

-Drugs are very prominent in shelters. People talk about using them, ask you if you want to use them, try to sell you all kinds of stuff, you see people tripping out on drugs.

-People are also talking about God and finding His peace and presence. You can hear a conversation about God on one side and one about drugs on the other.

-In Dallas: a security guard was hired to keep the peace all night, they give out one-way bus tickets to anyone who could prove there was a residence waiting for them, they provide residency to Dallas city so you can get a library card to use the internet and check out books. The boys' backpack and laptop were stolen but they got the laptop back.

-In SLC: it is easier to be homeless b/c the shelter's rules aren't as enforced, free TRAX transportation, the downtown library is close and huge. Homeless guys said they love Conference weekend because they make lots of money from asking people. A woman drove by and asked them if they were homeless and then gave them a bag of chips.

All this info has made me wonder: Who is picking up the bill for all this free stuff we are handing out? How come helping people in need of these services easily turns to abusing these services? Why do I feel angry at the people who I think taking advantage of America's security blanket? Is America doing a service to not let these guys fail? I want to help those who are hurting, yet when I see this I wonder what is it God really asking us to do?

~Jacob 2:18-19 "After ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good--to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry..."

~Matthew 6:25-26 "Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body... Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? ...If God so clothe the grass of the field... shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?"

~Exodus 20:9 "[9] Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work"

~John 5:17 "But Jesus answered them, My Father worketh hitherto, and I work."

~John 6: 28-29 "What shall we do, that we might work the works of God? Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent."

So the work is believing? It seems to be a cyclical line of reasoning.

Maybe it is in Matthew 7- judge not, seek God, bring forth good fruits, build your house on 'the' rock. I think I will try to judge less, love more, and build myself and my community, and trust homeless people less.

Early February

I hosted a girl's night party on 2/2. I think 8 friends came over for food and chatting for a couple hours. I know I can get the winter time blues. I made Better Than Anything cake for the first time and it was pretty tasty.

We went to Kangaroo Zoo as a family for homeschool in early February. Thursdays are the day when we get to do something long for homeschool. Usually we spent a lot of the morning reading all our library books. Either the ones that were our favorite or ones we didn't read before we head again to the library. We tried going to both SLC downtown and to Davis County every other week, but that got confusing very fast. So we stick to Davis County and usually get 20-30 books every week. Emily's favorite books for the last several months are the Fairy Books by Daisy Meadows. They are about two girls and how they interact with and save all sorts of groups of fairies: the rainbow fairies, pet, weather, jewel, sports, days of the week, etc. Each are about 70 pages long. Emily can read them by herself all right but when reading out loud she likes it if we take turns. We've read 15+ fairy books. Recently the girls built a fairy playground in their room that was visited a few times.

Ashley is dancing in beautiful dress up clothes with her friend Sarah. You can see how fast crying happens at our house. Hard floor with slippery socks is a bad combo.

Catching Up January

At dinner one night Bryan pulls out the camera to capture the cute messiness and Aaron decides to bust out his first cheesy smile. Covered in mashed potatoes, gravy, meatloaf and ketchup he squintches up his eyes, sticks out his lower jaw and says "eees." We all laughed for a while at this one.

One of Aaron's many places in the

house to hang out. This cute face lives in a world where most people are a lot taller than he is.

Bryan is on a board game kick. He bought 8 new board games in one month. Here are some of our new titles: Monopoly Jr (as featured), Pictionary Jr, Quirkle, some art picture memory game, and Survive. He also bought us Kinect last December and we've had fun. Turns out I am a really good boxer and Bryan rocks the javelin throw.

Bryan dreamed up and built himself a wood shop in our garage. His grungy man mobile, 1988 land cruiser, won't fit in our garage anymore after they welded the roof rack. So Bryan is using 1/2 of a garage space for all his manly cutting tools. He is hoping to build us a new entertainment center and the girls' bunk beds sometime soon.

Bryan took the girlies skiing in January. It was Emily's second time, Ashley's first time. They went to Brighton on a Thursday and were the only two kids in ski school. Both had a set of hand and toe warmers as well as warmers in their pants' pockets.

Bryan did his work in the lodge and was on stand-by in case either girl bailed out. They skied all morning and had a blast. We were impressed with their kid program there.

Ashley's first talk in Primary was in January. Her topic was about how the scriptures help me learn about Jesus' words. We practiced at home a couple of times and she did a great job at the microphone. We talked about 3 parables- the prodigal son, Mary and Martha and the good Samaritan and how they each taught us about Jesus.

March

I just finished reading all of my friend and family blogs linked on my site. Whew. People have sure been busy doing a lot of living while I've been away! I found out about two pregnancies, ski trips, good books, moms helping kids grow up, craft projects, etc. (By the way if you aren't linked on here anymore it's because your privacy blocker kicked me off or you haven't posted in a really long time). It was funny to note that a majority of bloggers wrote sometime within the last two weeks- not withstanding how far past their previous post occurred. I guess March is a friendly month.

When I wrote the last post I realized it was the first time I blogged without expecting anyone else to read it. I know my mom checks in but I don't know how many other people are checking in. I forgot I have it set to send my blog posts in an email to at least 4 people. One of these people who got an email was my husband. When he told me he read my post, I felt surprised in a scared way to feel like suddenly my private thoughts got told. I hadn't read over my last entry for a final read to see what other people might think of it. He said he thought I was honest and he felt like he wanted to support me during this time, which was a nice thing for him to say.

My flowers in the front are coming up. It is my favorite time of year to be outside. Every day is a new beautiful adventure waiting to happen. In summer it's an adventure of how much more the morning glory will have taken over in one day- not as fun. We have 50+ crocuses that have mostly all bloomed since we got home last Saturday. They are a mix of dark purple, light purple and white. Then we have a yellow flower that looks crocus-ish but I think it's one we planted from bulbs a year or two ago. Our first daffodil came out two days ago with two more today. And our grape hyacinth are coming up too! And our pink tulip tree has one almost full flower and at least 10 others that are coming soon- but we will have hundreds of those before it's done. Yay spring! And thanks again to Erin M. who lived in this house before me that planted them all. Also I pruned and weeded my mini red rose bush in the backyard, which was years overdue.

This year is my first time to fill out the brackets for March Madness and I am tied for 3rd place, out of the 6 in our group. Wes is in the lead he will be happy to note.

Arizona Hideout

We migrated south for part of the winter and were down in Tucson, AZ for 3 weeks with my family- Mom, Garrett, Dad & Marlene, Carlie & Kade. The weather and hospitality were warm. We did 2 hikes, watched the rodeo, picked oranges, Emily participated in a rodeo with some extended family, Bryan worked a lot, Emily got to go visit my mom at her school for a few days, Aaron threw my mom's phone in her pond, Bryan took Em & Ash each on their own date to get a mani/pedi. We hung out with Garrett and his girlfriend Elizabeth, we went swimming, took Grandpa's dog on a walk, went house hunting with our realtors, ate, talked, stayed up late, ate cookies, went running. You know, good stuff. We got home on Saturday March 12th. It was nice to come home.

So now I feel like I am standing on the crossroads. Do we buy a second home in Tucson? Do we move there? Here are some topics rolling around in my brain regarding this decision...

--myself and who I want to be. To me this decision to buy a second home indicates too much wealth and somehow crosses the line. But on the other hand it's nice and would be fun. But I feel this sense of fairness like if we are paying $x to a second mortgage then we need to pay the same amount to charities every month. But handing money out to charities is a limiting gratification b/c you don't see the smiles, change, hope or the love that comes from true service.

--Mormon vs uncertainty. When I am honest with myself I hate my religious doubts, so I instead ignore them most of the time. I feel like I'm supported by my past beliefs and the current beliefs of those around me. I can find things at church I agree with some times, although other times I can not. If I leave here I feel I would be exposed more to my own self and it's not a happy prospect.

--community vs people who will take a while to know. We've lived in Utah about 5 years. That's a long time to know people. To voluntarily leave to be with strangers feels odd. I hope for other friends but I am happy with my friends here. When we decided to move to Utah initially, I would joke to Bryan that we were serving 5-7 years in Utah and then we were out. Now that my sentence is up, I realize I am comfortable with my confinement.

--known vs unknown. I am not a huge fan of change. I attribute that to me becoming a mom b/c before kids I wanted to travel the world. In any rate, I like my changes to happen slowly. Bryan doesn't operate that way instinctively. He is a thinker, and then a doer. He's a dreamer and he dreams big. He is unsatisfied staying here anymore and once he gets excited about something he pursues it hard and fast. If it were up to him we'd have been under contract a week ago.

--homeschooling vs public education. This question is linked into my next topic but is different too. When I read homeschooling mom's blogs, I feel empowered. I feel like we homeschooler moms are saving our kids, and are holding fast to values that aren't being taught, specifically being together as a family. Then there is educator side (of me and my mom) that says where is the scope and sequence- where are you going with your teaching? How do you measure where you've been? What if you miss something? And is homeschooling for Emily with her attention issues really the best thing for her? I trust my mom would do a great job as a teacher for Emily but do I trust the system that she has to operate under to be supportive too? (i.e. low class size, too many other kids with high needs that need teacher's attention, transition time takes so long with many people...) Also am I neglecting other family members at the expense of homeschooling (yes I am) and is it worth it?

--keeping kids close vs strength in numbers. We live in a neighborhood that has 5 young good families with kids. My kids are drawn to play with those kids a lot. While in Tucson Ashley came to her dad asking him to play dolls a lot more. I see value in having good friends and their families who help raise my kids, but Bryan sees the value in having the kids learn to rely on their family more. The kids are going to turn to friends eventually .... Who knows what the future brings? I am always surprised how much I think I am loose about somethings only to realize I am really as much of a control freak as the next mom.

--running away or loathing to stay. Bryan is loathing to stay and excited about leaving but I think he is running away from Utah and his part in this culture here. Utah is a strange place where religion is so wrapped up in everything. I don't see the weirdness anymore but I know when we first came here it was obvious. I guess I am a part of the weirdness now.

My questions of the night:

Really who am I? Where do I picture my future with our family? Who do I hope my kids will become and how can I get them there? Why are there behaviors that are annoying from my kids that I can't seem to figure out or recognize? Why do Bryan and I have different objectives and why does that feel like because they are different I can't do/get what I want? What do I really want? There is part of me that wants my days to be spent being with and teaching my kids and this other part of me who wants to help the greater good, help the hurting masses. But who are these nameless people and why do I think I can help them anymore than I can help my own kids? Why is it easier to serve people when you don't know/understand and it's easier to give and love rather than hear the reasons why? I feel excited about visiting new places and having someone take me around to the places who is familiar. Like Garrett take me around where he lived in Mexico- in part to learn about the place, it's culture, people and food but also find a way to serve there too.

Tonight I thought about going to see a counselor to figure out why I felt so confused. After this self-counseling session I can see why I feel so conflicted.

Latest family updates: We are running the Ragnar Relay in June and it's going to be a blast. I am team captain and it's more work than I appreciated to coordinate 12 runners, the details of the event and manage my own running schedule. Today was a great day in homeschool (translated Aaron didn't scream at me the whole time). Actually he wasn't around for most of it come to think of it. We did potato print painting this morning, which Aaron did get to do. Aaron left for the neighbor's house while we did a quick run to the library and then on to Ashley's first gymnastics class. She sat on my lap the entire 50 minutes and refused to do any events but says that next week she'll be ready. Emily starts tomorrow. We read 8ish books, played a U.S. state geography game, made and ate green bread. Then the girls did busy work/homework. Played outside with friends. Practiced piano. Good day. Bryan is in WA with his brother Drew.