My consuming fear for the last two days- inadequacy. Lots of areas: mother to Emily, mess control of my house, as a good wife, in my calling at church, school next year, etc.
The good news- God is mindful. He is in control. I can trust Him. After a 2 hour pondering session with Him last night, I felt less consumed and more open and aware.
Tender mercies I appreciated- texts from a friend letting me see that I am not forgotten, bunnies on a trail reminding me that God numbers all His creations, a listening husband, a counseling session set up for today made a week ago, Moroni 7 (hope and faith), and a running partner who listened and supported.
Thanks Lord. I don't feel so alone when I see you around.
Saturday I was praising His name- finding His work in my life; going from "life is pretty good" to "life is great!" just because I knew He was guiding me. I found Him in the temple and rejoiced. Sunday night- wham-o. Is that what my future holds? More times of finding such joy in the Lord and then He says you are ready for more. I did get a good couple weeks of rejoicing in the Lord before the wham-o. I guess He's finding out how deep I go. Opening me to empathy, more truths. An understanding of the quote by Joseph Smith "...that doesn't require the sacrifice of all things, will never produce the faith necessary..." Now that I write that down, I realize that's a pretty messed up view of a loving God. He's going to make it hurt the worst? But oh yeah- it's for my own good. Okay so if I focus on that then I can trust Him again.
Come on self- look on the bright side. Serve others. From a Jackie Chan movie I watched years ago Rush Hour, the guy's name was Kit; which stood for Keep It Together and he chanted that over and over when times were hard. That will be my mantra for the morning as I deal with a sick baby boy and my fears "Keep it together, keep it together." And be praying for the Lord to show me. Teach me. Help me find the way to Him.
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